they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
