Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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