Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
