Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
