hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
