never play flip cup with pint glasses
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
