Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
