at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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