We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
