I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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