I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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