Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
