3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I need water and some morals
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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