I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
