but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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