I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
