i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
