i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
