I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
