i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she peed on how many people?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
