i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
