You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
