Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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