I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
