so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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