I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
