Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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