sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
