I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
