so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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