awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
