omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
