come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
