Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
