The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
