she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
