Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
