saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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