my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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