I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
