do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
