i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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