apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
