Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
