____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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