Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
