Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
