if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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