i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
