his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
