apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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