I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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