I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
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