My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
