Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
