I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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