ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
